Self-harm is an emotive topic and people are talking about it much more than they used to. But there is still a great deal of stigma attached to it and a lack of understanding about why people self-harm and what they might need to ‘get better’. People can be very secretive about self-harm and ashamed of what they have done to their bodies because others can be extremely judgemental about it, or shocked by what they see.
What is self-harm?
Self-harm can mean a whole range of things but essentially it is a method of coping with difficult feelings by hurting your own body or ‘punishing’ yourself in some way. This can be something like cutting yourself, scratching yourself or burning yourself or it can be more subtle – starving yourself or binge eating, over-exercising or forcing yourself to do things that you don’t want to do. Even more subtle manifestations might include things like regularly putting yourself in dangerous situations like going alone to pubs and drinking too much or deliberately winding up people likely to retaliate violently.
Why do people self-harm?
Contrary to popular opinion, there is no one reason why people self-harm. However, some of the reasons why people do are as follows:
- They feel unable to express something painful in words
- It’s a way of relieving pressure and stress and holding back unwanted feelings
- It’s a distraction from the pain of something else
- They feel they deserve it and it is a way of punishing themselves
- It’s a way of dealing with anger at someone else – they turn it inwards
- It’s a way of gaining some sort of control in a situation where you are not in control
- To stop scary feelings of numbness – ‘at least I’m feeling something!’
There may be a specific trigger event that begins the process or it may be something that has built up over a period of time. Self-harm isn’t a mental illness. Although a person who self-harms may indeed be suffering from mental health problems, the harming isn’t a symptom – it’s a way of coping with symptoms.
It’s not about ‘attention-seeking’.
One of the most pervasive myths about self-harm is that the person is doing it to ‘get attention’. When this is said what it means is that someone thinks that the person self-harming is so keen to put the spotlight on themselves, to get everyone to feel sorry for them and gather round them supportively that they are prepared to hurt themselves to do it. This is a harmful and dangerous myth and very painful to those who do self-harm.
The problem with this myth is that, in our society, seeking attention is seen to be a negative thing but the fact is that all of us need attention and we all ‘seek’ it at some time, whether it’s just by asking for a hug or having someone listen to our story.
There’s nothing wrong with letting someone else know that you feel unhappy and need some help and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to show others something you are proud of.
What type of person self-harms?
Self-harm is spread across all ages and all types of people from all sorts of different backgrounds – rich and poor, different cultural backgrounds, different levels of education and types of job. There is not such thing as a ‘typical’ self-harmer and it’s interesting how some forms of self-harm are more ‘socially acceptable’ than others. Denying ourselves food for example, is much less likely to attract attention than cutting ourselves. However, both are a form of harm.
Self-harming can quickly become a habit – there’s no doubt that it can be an effective way to relieve difficult feelings. Research shows that the pain releases the neurotransmitter Dopamine which creates feelings similar to getting a hit from a drug or from drinking alcohol. If we find something that works, we’re likely to use it again especially if our body is releasing chemicals that make us feel good.
The downside of this is that, as with drugs, it takes more and more extreme behaviour to get the same hit. This means that people need to hurt themselves more to get the feelings of relief that harming can bring.
Additionally, often self-harming will cause lifelong scars and there is always a risk to short and long term health. For example, with cutting or burning, infections are a strong possibility and with eating and exercising issues, the body can be damaged in more long term ways, weakening our systems permanently, interfering with our disease-fighting abilities and the way in which our organs function.
There is now a better understanding of self-harm by mental health professionals and they are unlikely to tell you that you must immediately stop self-harming or judge you for what you are doing. Instead, they will try to help and they should understand that self-harm is something that is fulfilling a need for the person and cannot simply be stopped. For example, my approach is to work with the client to try and find alternative ways of relieving the pain or stress whilst talking about the issues that have caused self-harm in the first place. The idea is to create a space without judgement where the client feels in control of the process rather than feeling that they are being told what to do and how to do it.
If you do seek help and you find your helper is not what you are looking for, I encourage you not to give up and to look for someone else.
Here are some resources:
http://www.youngminds.org.uk/for_children_young_people/whats_worrying_you/self-harm
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/#.VhuaQPlViko